Letting go is painful.

Being married to someone who has a chronic mental illness is painful.  First you think this wonderful person can't possibly be ill, then you think it is all your fault, followed by if you only do everything then you can prevent decompensation, and finally the reality that there is nothing you can do if your loved one won't be acceptable for his own illness.  The bitter reality is that if your loved one values you and your family more than his narcissistic pride, then they will seek treatment.  Of course,you feel terrible when you realize that your years of love and sacrifice never amounted to much when they they choose themselves over you.  

Even under ideal conditions and a care agreement between you and your partner--there are risks that the illness will take over and the agreed upon actions will never occur  

How long do you stay in the relationship?   When is it enough?  When are you over it all?  

Have I failed?  Should I have worked harder?  Could I have loved more?  Should I have done something different?  Would it have made a difference?  

Sadly,    probably not.    Some days I feel like I wasted my life........

Need to focus on the future.  Me. My kids. New adventures.  A new life.  A new future........

More to come..........